I didn't grow up poor, but there were times when we had no idea where our next meal was coming from. My father was laid off a few times as I was growing up. Seeing the constant struggle for food and money led me to become conditioned that "hardwork equals struggle". I didn't want to continue to go through life that way, but wasn't really sure of what do do about it. I just remember being told all my life that I need to go to school, get good grades, so that I can get a scholarship to college, go to college for four years, college will give you a good job and I will be living the "American Dream". Well, I didn't see anyone around me that was living that dream...it seemed like more of a nightmare in my opinion! I did planned to do what I was told. I knew no other way.
School was not my idea of fun...especially in the beginning. I remember my 1st day in Kindergarten. My father was dropping me off. I was so scared to be left alone with all of these people. He said, "Alright, T...I have to go to work." I remember throwing down my backpack, running back to him and gripping his jacket for dear life! The teacher walked over to me and said that she had some friends that were playing a fishing game in the corner. I looked over and saw other kids having fun. She said," See, they aren't crying over there! It's all fun!" I thought, "Maybe I can stay...." I walked over to the fishing game. One girl, in particular, stood out to me. She says, "Hi! What's your name?" "My name is TJ." I looked down at the magnetic fish as she smiled at me. She looks at the girl next to her and says, "Aw, he's shy. He's so cute!" That was the day I fell in love! LOL! That same day, I asked my mother, "Mom, how old do you have to be to get married?" She busted out laughing! I told her who the girl was and that I was ready to get married at 5 years old. Hahaha!
I went through school hearing that I was shy, so I adapted that as a label. A lot of times, I would be overlooked in class until it was time for gym class. I was always taught that action was bigger than words, so that's what was shown in gym class. Sitting in History or Chemistry class didn't appeal to me. They just didn't seem to produce action from my observation. That really affected my grades because I always thought "Is there more to life than this?" My mind would venture outside of the classroom to ponder what else was out there. Because my grades were so bad, they wanted me to get tested at some facility. After 6 hours of education testing, they determined that I was partially dyslexic and they said that I wouldn't make it through school if I didn't get help. My mother was not happy about the results. Seeing my mother get that angry really bothered me. What bothered me more was that someone who didn't know me was trying to dictate my future.